WARNING!! THE FOLLOWING CONTENT IS NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF ANYTHING. THE FOLLOWING GRAMMAR IS NOT FOR THE EASILY GROSSED OUT OR THE SUPERIORILY EASILY OFFENDED BY DRASTIC VULGARITY. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK:

Alrighty then. Here is the layout of my evening. Today is my friend Kathy's birthday, so last night some of us chicks, and the men we married went downtown to have some fun. And I'll tell you, it was a blast. I never finished a drink before another one magically appeared. They were going faster than fast. So as we sit there, waiting for another member of our party to RE-JOIN us after forgetting her ID and having to travel back to the land of children and responsability to retrieve it, I take it upon myself to get a relatively drastic head start with the evening. By the time our friend came back, I had finished number 8 and 9 was on its way. So yeah, good times. We laughed, we shook our asses, hell we made fun of the disturbing fat people who wors Madonna's clothes to the bar. It was gnarly, anyways, we bumped asses together, cause sir mix alot said so, and we made a few potty breaks, where by the way, some retarded douchebag had problems finding the garbage can cause the dumbass decided the middle sink was good enough to UPCHUCK her meals from New Years everywhere. It was beautifully done, I was jealous. Not really. So we prevented hot head men from starting trouble and yadda yadda yadda. So 2Am rolls around and I figure I better head on out cause the babysitter has a little one and I felt bad enough as it was that she was sleeping on my couch, so I thought I better go home, so we split the cab fare with our party happy amigos and the whole trip back, me and my girl just pretty much laughed at the retarded driver and the ding dong he was talking to, cause they were funny. I'm doing pretty good all night, not nausea, no headache, it's a good night, till I get outta the cab. And I'm pretty sure that's what kicked my ass, on top of the sloshing of the stomach contents from the drunk sex EVERYONE has to have when drinking. So I'm freezing my ass off all night, I always do when I've had to many, I FREEZE like I'm gonna die, my teeth chatter, and I shake real bad, so I buried myself into Mike's back cause he is always on fire, and it was warm, but then my stomach made a funny sound and then it cramped and I thought oh shit, I'm gonna make dookie in my panties. SO I jump up (BAD IDEA) to run to the pot and Imade it, sat down and proceeded to let out the worst smelling, acid burning shit, I have ever done. My pooper was on fire, so the smell was horrific and I'm already nauseous, so what else can I do, I jump up and turn around and proceed to let it out the front end, not ever having gotten the chance to flush the acid shit down the drain. I'm staring at this steaming pile of acid while I toss massive amounts of chunks and I thought I was gonna die. All night that was my routine. I thought to myself, why can't I puke first, then have the acid drip outta my pooper, I swear, if I didn't have hemoroids before, I do now, the force of the push had to have had some permanent results. After the second time of smelling the turd while puking, I got smart and dragged the garbage can over to the toilet so it wasn't as horrific. All day, I have been passing in and out. And I still had the upchucks all day. It wasn't until I finally decided to brave a candy bar did I begin to feel any better. I ate it and boom, it was okay, I felt okay, I had the energy to pick up the hurricane my kids had left everywhere from my lack of parenting before getting hot and dizzy and having to return my fat butt to the safety of the couch. So the moral of the story here is what?

Take a Snickers to the Bar.